Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Buhtt sex?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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