I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
