I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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