How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
