i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
