Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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