We won't sleep together?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
