I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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