All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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