You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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