Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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