That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
