my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
