you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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