Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just gift wrapped bread.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
