We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
