I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
