Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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