i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
