My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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