Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
