Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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