just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
