Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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