forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
