it glows. i had to have it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
