im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
