I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
