I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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