Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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