remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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