Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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