And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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