the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize