lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
