I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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