Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
