you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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