she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
