so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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