I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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