I wish I could teleport
we have pet lesbian snakes
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
