Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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