4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Small penises have feelings too.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
