I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
