i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
