But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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