Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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