His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
