The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
