I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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