Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
