her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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