? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
