you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
