Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
