I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
