We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
