I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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