Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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