we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
