His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
