i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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