i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
